"This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24
Wow. What a challenge. What encouragement! But how can I rejoice in "this day" that my Mom died? "This day" is a day I will forever remember. "This day" is also a day that I look forward to, when I get to see my sweet Mama again, standing beside Jesus.
"This day" has been a long time coming. Almost everyone knows my moms story, and has witnessed her remarkable will to live, and God's endless mercy in her life. The woman is amazing. She has battled through obstacles and yet remained faithful, content, and not once complained about her situation.
The days spent before she passed was uncomfortable for her; but my sisters, dad and I had the great opportunity to have touching conversations that will never be forgotten. She spoke of seeing her mom and brother again. She spoke of the songs and scripture she wanted at her funeral. She spoke of her yellow wings she envisioned as she entered into heaven to see the Lord's face. The day I stood at my mother's bedside, witnessing her last breath, will be a day I never forget. She longed to leave this earth peacefully, and that's exactly what she did. Simply peaceful.
The next couple of days were such a whirlwind. Our families rallied together like we always do. We spent many hours reminiscing about her, laughing at the good times, crying when we realize she's not right there in the conversation with us.
Visitation for my mom was overwhelming. Hundreds of people, near and far, came to support my family and I as we say "goodbye" to the greatest person we ever knew. Let the floodgates open!! I can not say THANK YOU enough to everyone who sent flowers, came to visitation, texted, called, prayed for us, thought about us, and everything in between. I have never felt so loved. The support we felt during those days were amazing and heartfelt, and we appreciate every single gesture from every single person.
"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10
When daddy asked me to write her obituary; I was honored, and surprised, and immediately stuck. How do I put into words just HOW MUCH of an incredible woman she is. There aren't enough words in this universe to accurately convey my thoughts about her. The perfect mother she was, the perfect wife she was, the perfect grandmother she was, the perfect friend she was. Where do I start?! God gave me the strength, (through many tears) to write about the courageous life my mom lived.
So, the morning of Mama's memorial service; we gathered at Daddy's house, dressed in traditional black, wearing the jewelry she had left each of us girls. We sat in the sanctuary of Cook Baptist Church, where my family has many fond memories. Mama and Daddy raised us in this church. This church family carried our family through many hard times when Mama was sick with cancer, and rejoiced with us when she was cancer-free! This church is where I became a Christian, and where I later married to the love of my life. SO many memories are taken place here, but this memory trumps them all. The memorial service was absolutely the best tribute to my mom. From beginning to end, we shared and remembered the beauty, goodness, and courage that my mom exemplified in her daily life. Because on "this day" we celebrated the life of Janice Scriber. We laid her to rest, because she went to see Jesus! What a glorious day!!! I wish that I could witness her arrival when she first saw Jesus' face. I can only imagine the relief and joy she felt, as she ran to him and fell deep into his arms.
If you haven't had the opportunity to watch Mama's tribute video. Here it is... get the Kleenex ready!
My mind is all over the place. My emotions... are also all over the place. I have this emotion that I like to call HappySad. It's really the only way I can describe how I feel. I'm so incredibly happy for my mom. She is renewed, and perfect, and hanging out with Jesus EVERYDAY!! But I'm sad. I am not able to physically be near my mom. It's the little things I miss. Like today, Auri sat in his high chair for the first time!! (oh my gosh, he is growing so fast. 5 months old already! ) The first thing I thought when I saw him sitting up like a big boy was, "Mama is going to be so proud!!" The hardest part is not being able to share "the firsts" with her. She was there every second for each of my firsts, and for the first 4 months of Auri's life. The realization that she isn't a phone call away, or even a half mile away, officially has set in. and I'm sad.
I'm sad for my son, who knew his Grammy, but didn't get to grow up with her. I'm sad for my Daddy. He loved his wife more than life itself, and the pain he must feel is indescribable. However, he too has hope. He too, knows that she is now renewed and PERFECT, dancing on the streets of gold. Oh, how I wish I could witness her flawless beauty. I will one day. and what a glorious day that will be. I'm heartbroken that my Mom is no longer available when I need her. And I NEED her alot. But the good news is, I have an amazing family who will share in the joy of firsts with me. My family isn't whole any more, but these people are my people. And I love them endlessly.
"Her children rise up, and call her blessed." Proverbs 31:28
Through the many tears, one thousand hugs, and even a spark of laughter... we are making it through "the day." This HappySad emotion I feel, sometimes overtakes me. I often get distracted in my daily routine. Literally, every single thing I do reminds me of her. Whether its making guacamole, going for a walk, or looking at my son... She has a direct co-relation to every bit of action during my day. I know it will get easier, and I know the pain will somehow feel less harsh. But the truth is, I don't know that I want it to. I don't ever want to forget the little memories that make my day complete. I don't ever want to not miss my Mama. I know if she could reach down from Heaven to give me a soft hand-squeeze, or stroke my long hair, she would. But to be honest, she has way better things to do in Heaven! I don't believe there is sadness is Heaven, so I'm not sure how she can look down on me and not be sad. BUT I do know, she can relay the hope of Jesus to me and know that there are far more better things to look forward to that aren't in this earthly life.
"Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all." Proverbs 31:29
To everyone who knew my mom, knew she was spectacular! I have had countless conversations with people who agree that she was a testament to people who knew her, and even people who didn't know her. Her life was enriched with pure joy. Though she faced many daily and physical challenges, she was determined to not let anything stand in her way. Some may wonder "I can't imagine what she went through." The truth is, we all have challenges we face. They may not be physical challenges, but they are obstacles in our life that make things not-so-easy. I often wonder if life would be easier if our burdens were worn for everyone to see. Would we be held more accountable? Would we be placed on a different standard? The bible teaches us to live our life in the exact way God designed for us. I learned many, many things from the life my mom lived. I am so proud to leave the firm legacy she has created. I love her dearly, miss her tremendously, and know her angelic wings are prancing around Heaven with the most sincere happiness.
With love,
MaryBeth
