Well folks, it's happening. The birthday blues are upon us, as 30 is staring me in the face. I am turning 30 years old. That's right, the big 3-0. I am really struggling with the fact that tomorrow is my birthday; and for the first time in my entire life, I wish we could just skip over it. The number 30 doesn't frighten me, instead it's the actual day and everything that comes with it. Having lost my mom 6 months ago, I am still in an extreme grieving stage. Some days are obviously better than others, but the truth is, the sadness I feel is still very heavy. My heart hurts. I miss her in a way that I can't describe. Especially this time of year.
October is such a pleasant season. As the weather is cooling off, fall sports is taking over conversation, soups are quickly filling up our menu, and coffee tastes a little bit better with pumpkin. Actually, everything tastes better with pumpkin! (even poptarts. get some, you'll thank me later.) And with October comes birthday month! Mama, as most moms probably do, always made me feel extra special on my birthday! She would plan a big family dinner, make my favorite dessert, always had presents to open, and always made me feel super loved. (Daddy has some big shoes to fill. ha!) And for many years these events were the things I loved about celebrating my birthday, but this year is different. All I want is her. Just one more conversation, just one more hug, just one more coffee date, just one more piece of her strawberry cake. Memories are a gift from God. And I will have the memories of my past birthdays spent with Mama forever. I will cling to those memories when I'm sad, and cling to my support group comprised of family and close friends that surround me in overwhelming love and kindness.
Although I have endured, and still enduring, a very difficult year; I am asking God to give me patience, understanding and insight to look for the positive aspects in my life. So, in attempt to overcome sadness and the immense dread I am facing tomorrow, I am choosing to be thankful. This is a day to be happy! Happy Birthday to me. A day to celebrate the life my mother gave me. A day to appreciate my parents and their wisdom. A day to be thankful for the many blessings God has granted me. A day to meditate on my God-given purpose in life, and reflect on what He is teaching me:
I get to wake up to my beautiful son. Thankful.
I get to get to exercise and enjoy the beautiful weather. Thankful.
I get to feel the love from my husband, all the way from Lafayette. Thankful.
I get to spend time with family and friends, who make me feel so incredibly special. Thankful.
I get to indulge in a pumpkin spice latte? Thankful.
I get to pack up my house; because...SURPRISE: THE WALSH'S ARE MOVING TO LAFAYETTE! Thankful.
(yes, you heard that right. We are in the midst of a huge transition, but we believe this is where God is leading our family to be. Blog with details coming soon!)
Oh, and let's not forget... October is also Auri's birthday month! He is turning ONE on the 29th. See! I told ya, lots going on 'round here! A whole different level of emotions will be weighing in closer to the end of the month! whew.
Talk soon!
MB
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